dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
