I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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