When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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