Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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