Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why do cheetos always look like penises
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
