Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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