Don't you send me to vm
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
