i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who died my cat blue again?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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