my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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