Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
