Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
