My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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