my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
