Screwed.edu
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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