He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My bed smells like the plague
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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