It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize