haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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