Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
