There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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