why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
