apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
