Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
