none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
