M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the condom got lost in my hair
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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