Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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