It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize