There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i drank out of a bidet.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
