He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
