True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
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