I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
