The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize