garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
