I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
