what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
