I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
