the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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