I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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