That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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