You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
