Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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