i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
