I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
