dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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