Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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