Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
