just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
