Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think my mom watched the whole time
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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