my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We have started to decorate penises.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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