My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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