dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
