I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
