What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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