I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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