Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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