rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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