He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
