I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
