I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
