Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
