so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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