so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
