dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i came on her dog
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
