Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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