Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
