Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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