my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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