Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't turn off my feet"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
