I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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