Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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