did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
