you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
