I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
