Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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